Huwebes, Disyembre 4, 2014

Host

I try to understand you
like how I try to understand the complexities of me
and I forbid myself to think
negatively
of you
because
the way you tend to demand things
is your duty
and how you disregard necessities unmet
is your responsibility
and I'm not to walk in shame
for these costs of my cause
is a path that should be taken
no matter how thorny
but you are a burden
not good for the cause at all
a parasite of sorts...

it's symbiosis
how you made me agree
though unwillingly
to be your host


Miyerkules, Nobyembre 12, 2014

To My Sister That Stayed

To My Sister That Stayed,

There were times in the morning when I'm preparing breakfast when my thoughts would drift away four, five years ago when I had a different life. I would remember how we used to brainstorm something be it birthdays or Christmas parties.. it used to mean so much because I really felt that I belong to something, at last. Then those memories would turn ugly and I remember how it was all just false and how perverse people can get despite their "faith". I was the "sensitive" one who couldn't stomach the farce. You had a lot at stake so you stayed.

Seeing you the other day caught me off guard because I had decided to cut you off from my life because, well, I don't see you fit to have any part in it anymore. For one, you weren't there when I needed you and I know you would only try to convince me to go back, I don't know for what reasons, but your situation enabled you to be programmed in such and, God, what have become of rationality?

This letter is about bitterness. My bitterness of the time and efforts I wasted on what we used to be. It doesn't make any sense that the only thing I can ascribe to it was for life to teach me that sometimes some things make no sense. That it was BS. But the most important thing is how we can transcend that.

______, I treated you as a sister but it's not the same. You stayed; I drifted away. You wanted convenience and conformity and all the things I tried to embrace but at the end of the day I rage. I rage at your apathy on our friendship. I rage at you not having a stand on issues- as if  those who refuse to take a stand will eventually become peacemakers. I rage at you for just settling... I thought we have so much things in common because we laugh together and stuff but now those couldn't reconcile things anymore.

So I write this to let things go. Because I can't pretend that all has been well as it is now. May you never experience what I had. May all those you treat as sisters now be there for you when you need them.

Martes, Hunyo 10, 2014

What Will You Be?

I am grateful for knowing you. You made me see my worth. You are my life and I am yours. I wish I wasn't broken before. I wish I haven't experienced getting hurt...
But- what would you have mended if there were no wounds? how would you have searched me if there was no fog of insecurities? And: what will you be to me if not a remedy? if not a new beginning? if not moments of bliss and tangible reverie?

Miyerkules, Mayo 28, 2014

Where The Grass Is Greener

The Otherside is a thief
that steals the present's joy
and all those things you ought to keep
are replaced with discontent that rages on

The Otherside deceives
by showing things you want to see
whispering that you need not carry
all your burden all the way up to Calvary

But the Otherside is a myth
an illusion formed by unchecked realities
clashing, contradicting, shifting perspectives,
let that which shall prevail lead you to glory

Sabado, Mayo 24, 2014

Time and Space

In your absence I realize
how much of me
is composed of you
and I cease to be
in this present moment for I choose
your eyes that glitter
and how they whisper
secrets we shared in the dark
I choose to remain
in the joys you defined
and the after five shadow
on your soft jawline

Tonight, there's no arms to rest my head on to
and, my love, it hurts
that even from a distance
you encapsulate me
that I drift away
from this lifeless plane
to be with you
in a different time and space

Martes, Oktubre 29, 2013

Love, You

Oh Love, You
stall the feet of wanderers
and close the writer's eye.
You perpetrate too many cheesy songs
and make couples stare blankly at clouds as they lie;
it's as if you defy
clocks and calendars that govern night and day
and you adjust the beating of one's heart
to the rhythm of its better half far away.
Oh, how You manage to stop Time
as one stare at a lover's face when he sleeps
or as arrows pierce one's chest when he sees his beloved weep.
Oh Love, how You
shape a person's dreams
change a person's diet
putting in sync two different schedules
blending together two different voices...
how you merge two different lives together in a secret romantic movie
and make them feast on embraces and each other's lips
in a celebration of living
despite of it all...
Oh Love, how You tear down the boundaries we set
and replace our weapons and armors with open arms and smiles
so brave it turns us to angels as we let go...
Oh Love, how You
soften us
and change the games we play
that we'd rather worship entropy
than have it any other way.

Biyernes, Agosto 9, 2013

Gutom

Umaga.
Tumakbo siyang nakayapak sa pinaghalo-halong putik at basura.
Kulay abo ang burak na tumatalsik sa kanyang buto’t balat na hita.
Abo rin ang kulay ng langit na maya’t maya’y nagdidilig
sa paraisong namumulaklak ng mga “nabubulok” at “di nabubulok”.
Oras na para pumila.
Pinigilan niya ang pagkalam ng sikmura
ngunit isinisigaw ito ng gutom niyang mga mata:
isang larawan ng kasalatang hindi matutugunan ng siopao at saging na ipamimigay mamaya
Ito ang klase ng gutom na tumatagos sa kanyang munting bituka
at nanunuot sa mura niyang kaisipan.
Siya ay nasikaran
ng batang nasa harap niyang handang makipaglaban
Upang huwag malipasan
ng isang araw na walang kainan.
Lumaban siya
at sinapok ang isa sa ulo
hanggang sa nagpatuloy ang pagbato
ng mga suntok sa tiyan
at hampas sa sentido
hanggang sa maalog ang luhang naninilid
sa mga mata niyang gulat,
galit,
takot,
gutom…

umuwi siyang lutang
nagngingitngit ang sikmurang
nagmumura sa pagkalam.